Return from Camp

Gary, Max and Grace came home from camp today. You can always tell a good camp experience if someone has lost his voice. Two of the three have almost lost'em. This was the first camp experience for Grace. She has been so looking forward to camp. I wondered about the experience that she anticipated for so long...Would it be everything that she thought it would? Did she make it bigger in her mind than it was going to be just to be disappointed? I was so excited to see the gang when they got home tonight. They all had a remarkable time. Gary and Max, being KidJam Pros, came back voiceless and happy. Did I need to be concerned about Grace enjoying camp? I think this picture says it all.

A Moment of Clarity

I love how God teaches and guides me. Sometimes, it's like a whisper and I have to listen very close and think about what He is trying to show me. Other times, it's so unmistakable that I can't help but be giddy 'cause it's just so stinking obvious. This week has been one of those weeks where He is showing me something so apparent that I would have to be pretty oblivious not to see it.

Well, this is it: Sometimes people who have the purest intentions think they know what is best for you. The issue is that they then share that with others 'in the name of caring about you.' I know enough about people to know that it really has nothing to do with me. But how does a person deal with that? Does it need to be addressed? Does it need to just be ignored? Does it even matter? I came across this scripture late last week: Proverbs 18:12 that says: "Before destruction a mans heart is haughty, and before honor is humility." That really touched a special place in my heart. I want to honor God in all I do and I want my actions to bring honor. I want to do everything with humility so that God is the one glorified; especially when it comes to dealing with His people. At that point, I thought I had clarity. Then, I read a blog this week that had this statement: "Don't wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pigs like it." That's pretty stinking obvious, don't you think?

The God Who Knows Me

There are two things that came across my path today... (1) A quote from my John Adams book: Fortune may have yet a better success in reserve for you, and they who lose today may win tomorrow. Cervantes; and (2) Proverbs 18: 12 Haughtiness goes before destruction; humility precedes honor.

So I look at these two quotes that crossed my path today and I ask what is God trying to teach me because I know that nothing happens by chance.

No matter what is happening, I need to trust God and know that He is in the middle of it. I need to trust Him for my present and my future.

Is He bigger? Absolutely. Does He need me? No. He gives me the priviledge of serving in His kingdom. I want to always remember that any difference I make is a gift from Him. I need to remember that my life is in His hands. He loves me and wants the best for me. I give Him total control over my life. I desire to make an impact in His kingdom. I desire to know Him more. I will listen.

Admission

Dear Ms. Hawkins,
It is my pleasure to inform you that you have been admitted unconditionally to the Master of Education, Elementary Education program at East Tennessee State University for the Fall 2010 term.

That is the beginning of the letter that came today. After a week of questioning whether I am doing the right thing, I see it as my own personal letter from God. I know that sounds right, but make no mistake: It's hard. This has been the toughest thing that I have done in a long time. In the past, adapting and changing has not been my one of my strengths. Today, a new future is before me. One that is blessed and anointed by my Lord, Jesus Christ. It might not be easy, but it will be the most perfect one for me.

Ever Learning. Ever Growing.

Today was my first day for summer school. I am taking a math class. I have not been overly excited as math is not my favorite subject. I believe it is something you either love or hate/scared of. I have never really liked math. I come from a family of engineers and I have always been the oddball. (in more ways than one)

I am excited to be back in school and back to learning. In reading the first chapter of my math book, there was a teacher who put the following phrase up in her class: "Ever Learning. Ever Growing." When a student was asked what that meant, he replied, "We're never finished with our work here. There is always something else to learn." I LOVE THAT! I really believe that is one of the reasons why I have enjoyed returning to school so much. The more I know, the more I know that I don't know it all and the more I want to know. I want to be ever learning, ever growing.

Chimney Top

A couple of weeks ago, I hiked up Chimney Top Mountain in the Smokey Mtns. with Gary and some friends. The hike was only a few miles so I hardly gave it any thought when asked if I wanted to go. (Hey! Sure, I'll go. I like nature.) I was not really prepared for what I encountered. It ended up being a pretty strenuous hike. Not only was it an extremely steep climb but I also had to constantly watch my footing due to the roots and uneven path. At one point, I made a statement that I was going to stop looking up because I was just getting discouraged: the climb seemed never-ending.

On my morning walk today, God reminded me of that hike and that statement. There were two things that impressed me most about the entire experience. (1) It really matters who I surround myself with. On that hike, we all wanted to finish that crazy climb and finish it together. If one of us needed a break, we would take it. We cracked jokes, laughed and just enjoyed achieving it together. Despite how hard that climb was and how much I sweated and how bad I smelled, I had the best time because of the people I was with. (2) I should not become so focused on the step right in front of me. If I want to enjoy the beauty of my surroundings then I need to pick my eyes up. It doesn't sound so difficult, does it? Well, I did that on my walk today. I realized how often I walk with my eyes focused on the ground. Ugh!!! I started getting mad at myself because no matter how great the view was, my gaze automatically kept drifting down. Now, not only do my neighbors think I'm a little coo-coo because I yell at myself when I walk, I also recognize maybe I need more practice on this looking up stuff.

My Plan

Erwin McManus once said, "The process of becoming the person God wants us to become usually doesn't come from success, success, success. It's loss, success, failure, success, heartbreak, success, disappointment, success."

I'm not much of a planner. Actually, to be honest, I can be classified as a mixed bag of nuts. I usually have a plan but I'm flexible when the plan obviously needs to changed. I believe that I can quickly grasp the big picture and move to line myself up with that picture to achieve success. However, lately I have to admit, I have been missing the mark with it.

I'm currently reading a book by Pete Wilson titled "Plan B: What Do You Do When God Doesn't Show Up the Way You Thought He Would?" It's a great book that is helping me refocus and redefine my faith. In it, Wilson talks about Joseph and how he chose to react to his circumstances. Wilson states in his book "He (Joseph) chose to live intentionally; choosing to trust God in all his circumstances and allow his life to be used for God's purposes." That is just great stuff.

God is just awesome and I love Him to my core. He is using this time to reveal things about me...about my character...that's sometimes hard to face. He is using this time to reveal things about His nature and His character that just makes me love Him more.