Farewell 2010

As 2010 comes to an end, I can’t help but reflect over the journey of my year of transition. God has taken me, carried me, and danced with me till I’m dizzy. These are the lessons I’ve learned:

1. I may have my own plans but God has His and I want mine to correspond with His perfect design for my life.

2. I may want to be close to God but until I get my head into His Word, I am just blowing smoke through a straw.

3. My husband and my kids are my main priority and that takes continuous work to remain engaged.

4. I can really live on less. I don’t need all of the stuff that I claim is important to me.

5. I want to surround myself with people that support me 24/7 and can tell me when I’m acting like a fruitcake.

I am so thankful for the journey that God has taken me over the course of 2010. I have learned more about myself than ever before, but most importantly, I have learned what it means to consistently and wholeheartedly seek after my One True God. I can’t wait to see what awaits for 2011.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

                                                                              Jeremiah 29:11

Leveraging My Influence as a Parent

Do you ever feel like you are behind the 8 ball as a parent?  I just realized recently that I am the parent of a teenager!  When did that happen?  Wasn't it yesterday that we used a french fry in the hopes of enticing her to walk?  Conceding that I could no longer ignore the situation, I decided to search out my local bookstore to find the most current information on how parents should engage their teens.  As I began reading the texts gathering dust on the shelves, I was so depressed with the expert's reports of how natural it is for teens to pull away from their parents.  Yeah, like it takes a rocket scientist for me not to have realized that one.  I have to admit that as I perused the various subject matters that teens face, I was a little daunted.  There were the:  "How to Talk to Your Teenager about Sex" books, "How to Talk to Your Teenager about Drugs" books, and "How to Talk to Your Teenager about Rock and Roll" books.  Okay, so I added that Rock and Roll stuff.  If only it was that easy.  It was during my meltdown in Barnes and Noble that I realized how blessed we are as we traverse this new adventure with our teen.  We have a God who loves us and our children.  We have witnessed the many times He has alerted us to issues that we need to discuss with our children.  They are amazed when we have those discussions, and we all often marvel at how God has maneuvered our circumstances into teachable moments.  It is proof to them that God loves them and wants them to make wise choices.  Our job is to remain engaged in their world and to seek wisdom.  We have also invested in a church, and that investment extends to our children.  It's such a release to know that they have other adults who they can turn to when they need to talk to someone other than Dad and Mom.  We are confident that these other leaders will provide solid guidance because of our united foundation in Jesus Christ.  And finally, we have strategically chosen their extracurricular activities to take place at a Christian arts center.  We know their instructors will not accept half measures from any of our children, and they will also hold our children accountable for their choices. They encourage, praise, and stretch our children. Their investment in the lives of our children runs much deeper than ballet and music lessons. 

I'm not sure where this road will take us next as we continue to enter the "Land of Parenting Teenagers", but I do know that we have leveraged our influence in our children's lives to the fullest capacity.  We have strategically pursued relationships with others so that they may have influence with our children.  We are confident that they will speak in truth and love to them in all circumstances.  What tomorrow brings, there is no telling. Life has a way of changing in a blink of an eye.  However, our faith resides in a God who loves them more than we ever could.  He will guide and direct us all as we live a life that glorifies Him.

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates.
                                                                     Deuteronomy 6:  5-9

Passion or Timidity?

Truly I say to you, among those born of women there has not risen anyone greater than John the Baptist; yet whoever is least in the kingdom is greater than he.     Matthew 11:11

John the Baptist was an amazing man.  A man most people would have called a little offbeat, strange or downright weird. I don't think he would have made the 'Top 100 People to Follow on Twitter' list.  However, he was a man who had a passion for Jesus.  He spoke with such authority to people from all walks of life about the coming Messiah.  His life demonstrated the power, commitment, and boldness that we should emulate as Christians.  There is no place for timidity in our world.  My husband recently said this: "If you want to join God in the process that He is working out in your life, hang on for an adventure." Do I want that adventure?  You bet I do. 

God doesn't promise that life will be safe or easy.  The people that He wants to touch through us aren't safe or easy either.  However, God wants to use us to make a difference in the lives of others in a way that He's uniquely gifted us to do. Let's walk with a boldness that comes from our love and commitment to Jesus Christ.

Such confidence we have through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

                                                                                      2 Corinthians 3: 4-6

President George Bush

Former President George W. Bush has been making the rounds this week as he promotes his new book, Decision Points.  I've been captivated as I have examined his responses to the tough questions about his presidency.  As I've listened and pondered his choices, I cannot escape a key truth:  The man is honorable, and his character has nothing to do with any particular political affiliation.  As a leader, it is imperative that you make decisions seeped in integrity.  There is one particular choice that he has made since leaving office that stands out to me as extremely honorable.  He has chosen not to 'diss' other people by becoming a political pundit and critiquing their choices.  I think my admiration would diminish if I heard him make a slanderous remark toward any political figure, even if he was right.  The lone fact that he refuses to conduct any conversation about Obama's choices makes me admire him more.  

He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor.
                                                                                    Proverbs 21:21 NIV

A Woman's Way

1 John 4: 11-12

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us.

So many times, I find that I get bogged down in the day to day busyness of life.  I neglect capturing that special moment to giggle with my kids.  I overlook seizing a stolen moment with my husband to remind him how much I love him.  I tend to focus on my never-ending task list instead of my relationships.  Today, I choose to remember the importance of those relationships.  I recognize that I have the ability to breathe love and laughter into my family.  May I never overlook the joy and blessing that God has given me in the form of my family.

Decide On Representation

First of all, then, I urge that entreaties and prayers, petitions and thanksgivings, be made on behalf of all men for kings and all who are in authority, so that we may lead a tranquil and quiet life in all godliness and dignity. This is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.
1 Timothy 2: 1-4


There are certain times in my life when I am aware that I am making a difference in this world. One of those times is when I vote. Marking a ballot grants me access and leverage to leaders who make decisions about my future. It's an opportunity for me to voice an opinion on those decisions they make. Take the time this week to vote.

A Reflection

The power of reflection has been a recent topic in one of my classes this semester. Reflective inquiry is defined as a process of developing new knowledge, which is contingent upon a procedure that assumes knowledge is ever changing and evolving. This idea has made its way into my spiritual life this week. I have recently been faithfully praying about an area in my life. I have committed myself to prayer and I trust in God's direction completely. I have questions and really need His discernment. I think anytime you travel a new road, it can be fraught with a little bit of fear or intimidation. As I was reflecting over the last few days, I was able to see God at work in several situations that brought so much clarity for me. At the time, I knew the things that were happening were God moments, but it wasn't until I was reflecting on them that I realized the value of those experiences. In one major swoop, God had spoke to me, alleviated some concerns, and gave me a sense of His powerful peace. He is working in my life.

I am so thankful that my relationship is constant but also evolving at the same time. As I reflect on Him, I am overwhelmed at His love.

2 Samuel 22:33
"It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect."

Settling In

John 15: 1-4
"I am the vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit. You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me."

I have heard this scripture so many times. However, today I experienced it in a new way. I couldn't stop thinking about the word 'abide'. How does one 'abide' in Jesus? We can strive all day long to try to achieve the things that we think Jesus would want us to do, but unless we are 'abiding' in Him, we often come up short. Andy Stanley once made this statement: "The character of Christ is not manufactured by us. It's being produced through us." It's through 'abiding' in Jesus that we are vehicles of His grace and power. We can't make it up and we can't create it ourselves.

I love words. The thesaurus is often my first stop as I delve deeper into a concept. I was interested in dissecting this idea of 'abide'. So here it is: accept, acknowledge, concede, consent, defer, endure, hang in there, hang tough with, live with, receive, sit tight, stand, swallow, take, bunk out, dwell, inhabit, lodge, nest, reside, settle, stay, continue, persevere, persist, survive, anticipate, expect, linger, rest, sojourn, stick around, stop, wait.

Wow. By abiding in Jesus I can see how the character of Christ can be produced through me. My favorite? Settle. Lord Jesus, my greatest desire is to settle in with You. What's your favorite?

A Beautiful Creation

I recently attended an event where girls pre-teen to grandmothers gathered for the purpose of encouraging us all to be safe, healthy, empowered women of God. I have to admit that I got distracted while sitting in my seat. I found myself looking at the over 600 women in the room. I could only marvel at their beauty. Everywhere I looked there was a girl/woman who had a unique look that set her apart from everyone else. The creativity of God's hand is marvelous. I love that He makes us all look different, laugh different, walk different, talk different, and all so beautiful. I often stare with wonder at the beauty of God's creation: the trees, the clouds, a field of flowers. This was my view on the way to school today. I was telling God how beautiful I thought His creation was. Then He brought my attention back to the girls' gathering. I wonder what God thinks when He sees His girls all together in one place like that. I bet that He thinks we are His beautiful creation.

The Top of My List

The law of his God is in his heart; none of his steps shall slide. Psalm 37:31

I love reading. I love getting new insights and information from a variety of books. There is usually a stack of unread books on my bedside table that are "next on my list" to read. Too many times though, I fall victim to good marketing. I want to leverage my influence and be a better leader. I want to discover how I can engage and shape my kids' character. And yes, I want to lose those dreaded 10 lbs and have the body of a 20 year old. The issue is that I am looking for direction from a variety of sources but I am not looking for direction from the Source.

The Bible is the one place where I can go and know that it's 100% accurate. It's not misleading and it gives perfect direction. It tells me to walk humbly, justly, and lovingly when dealing with others. It tells me that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and in this I will prosper in His Kingdom. Reading the Bible: it's at the top of my list.

Peaceful Easy Feeling

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

As I am pondering the direction and choices of my life, I am hit in the face with God's sovereignty. He is ruler of my life. He knows the beginning and the end. His plan and love for me are written in the stars. They are great and mighty. So the question I have to face is how do I interpret the Wind? How should I make the necessary decisions? I don't really know a lot of specific details about my particular path, but this I do know...as the Eagles used to say, "I've got a peaceful, easy feeling."

What are you looking at?

One of the great things about returning to college at this stage in my life is that I can truely appreciate the people that God has placed around me. On my college campus, I have come in contact with such a varied group of individuals that it has struck me that I must have been blind not to have known they have been there all along. I don't have anything in common with a lot of these people. They have different ideas and beliefs of how the world should work. I love that. I love the fact that God is exploding my comfort zone and sending me out into His world. I want to be a shining light that impacts His kingdom. I want to bring honor and glory to Him. I want to throw off people's preconcieved notions of who they think I am and I want God to throw off my own preconcieved notions of who I think they are. In the end, I think everyone just wants to treated with honor and respect. I wish we in the church could remember that's how we need to treat people.

He Is In The Little Things

No one should ever say that God isn't in the little things. I really enjoy doing yoga. It's a great exercise for me: low impact but excellent benefits. I can do things in yoga that blow my mind. Recently the yoga center that I go to closed. They had a lot of classes during the day which suited my schedule. Normally, it really wouldn't bother me, I would just go to another center. However, all of the other yoga centers have their more challenging classes at night. Since I am in night classes at ETSU, my time at night is already claimed. I refuse to go to yoga classes at those studios because on my free nights I want to focus on being a mom and wife. So my friends at ETSU recently started talking about the school's fitness facility. THEY HAVE YOGA DURING THE DAY AND IT'S FREE!! I know it probably doesn't mean much to you, but to me, it's so awesome. It shows me that God really loves me. He has directed me to a place where I can do a challenging yoga class and remain healthy. He has guided me to a place where I can do yoga free (being a college student means I need to stretch the dollar). He has shown me that the things that matter to me, matter to Him. He is pretty incredible. Just another reason why I love Him so much.

In Him I Trust

A step in the dark still makes an impression
When I ponder what is to come I am visionless
However, I know the One who guides my way
In Him I trust what I cannot perceive
A future of beauty, love and fulfillment

The Handprint

He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit He prunes so that it will bear even more fruit.

John 15: 2

I was contemplating this scripture today when I saw this form in the sky. Yeah, I know. He is pretty incredible. I am so thankful that I am a child of the Most High God and that His hand is on my life. I can't wait to see what He is going to do next.

Return from Camp

Gary, Max and Grace came home from camp today. You can always tell a good camp experience if someone has lost his voice. Two of the three have almost lost'em. This was the first camp experience for Grace. She has been so looking forward to camp. I wondered about the experience that she anticipated for so long...Would it be everything that she thought it would? Did she make it bigger in her mind than it was going to be just to be disappointed? I was so excited to see the gang when they got home tonight. They all had a remarkable time. Gary and Max, being KidJam Pros, came back voiceless and happy. Did I need to be concerned about Grace enjoying camp? I think this picture says it all.

A Moment of Clarity

I love how God teaches and guides me. Sometimes, it's like a whisper and I have to listen very close and think about what He is trying to show me. Other times, it's so unmistakable that I can't help but be giddy 'cause it's just so stinking obvious. This week has been one of those weeks where He is showing me something so apparent that I would have to be pretty oblivious not to see it.

Well, this is it: Sometimes people who have the purest intentions think they know what is best for you. The issue is that they then share that with others 'in the name of caring about you.' I know enough about people to know that it really has nothing to do with me. But how does a person deal with that? Does it need to be addressed? Does it need to just be ignored? Does it even matter? I came across this scripture late last week: Proverbs 18:12 that says: "Before destruction a mans heart is haughty, and before honor is humility." That really touched a special place in my heart. I want to honor God in all I do and I want my actions to bring honor. I want to do everything with humility so that God is the one glorified; especially when it comes to dealing with His people. At that point, I thought I had clarity. Then, I read a blog this week that had this statement: "Don't wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pigs like it." That's pretty stinking obvious, don't you think?

The God Who Knows Me

There are two things that came across my path today... (1) A quote from my John Adams book: Fortune may have yet a better success in reserve for you, and they who lose today may win tomorrow. Cervantes; and (2) Proverbs 18: 12 Haughtiness goes before destruction; humility precedes honor.

So I look at these two quotes that crossed my path today and I ask what is God trying to teach me because I know that nothing happens by chance.

No matter what is happening, I need to trust God and know that He is in the middle of it. I need to trust Him for my present and my future.

Is He bigger? Absolutely. Does He need me? No. He gives me the priviledge of serving in His kingdom. I want to always remember that any difference I make is a gift from Him. I need to remember that my life is in His hands. He loves me and wants the best for me. I give Him total control over my life. I desire to make an impact in His kingdom. I desire to know Him more. I will listen.

Admission

Dear Ms. Hawkins,
It is my pleasure to inform you that you have been admitted unconditionally to the Master of Education, Elementary Education program at East Tennessee State University for the Fall 2010 term.

That is the beginning of the letter that came today. After a week of questioning whether I am doing the right thing, I see it as my own personal letter from God. I know that sounds right, but make no mistake: It's hard. This has been the toughest thing that I have done in a long time. In the past, adapting and changing has not been my one of my strengths. Today, a new future is before me. One that is blessed and anointed by my Lord, Jesus Christ. It might not be easy, but it will be the most perfect one for me.

Ever Learning. Ever Growing.

Today was my first day for summer school. I am taking a math class. I have not been overly excited as math is not my favorite subject. I believe it is something you either love or hate/scared of. I have never really liked math. I come from a family of engineers and I have always been the oddball. (in more ways than one)

I am excited to be back in school and back to learning. In reading the first chapter of my math book, there was a teacher who put the following phrase up in her class: "Ever Learning. Ever Growing." When a student was asked what that meant, he replied, "We're never finished with our work here. There is always something else to learn." I LOVE THAT! I really believe that is one of the reasons why I have enjoyed returning to school so much. The more I know, the more I know that I don't know it all and the more I want to know. I want to be ever learning, ever growing.

Chimney Top

A couple of weeks ago, I hiked up Chimney Top Mountain in the Smokey Mtns. with Gary and some friends. The hike was only a few miles so I hardly gave it any thought when asked if I wanted to go. (Hey! Sure, I'll go. I like nature.) I was not really prepared for what I encountered. It ended up being a pretty strenuous hike. Not only was it an extremely steep climb but I also had to constantly watch my footing due to the roots and uneven path. At one point, I made a statement that I was going to stop looking up because I was just getting discouraged: the climb seemed never-ending.

On my morning walk today, God reminded me of that hike and that statement. There were two things that impressed me most about the entire experience. (1) It really matters who I surround myself with. On that hike, we all wanted to finish that crazy climb and finish it together. If one of us needed a break, we would take it. We cracked jokes, laughed and just enjoyed achieving it together. Despite how hard that climb was and how much I sweated and how bad I smelled, I had the best time because of the people I was with. (2) I should not become so focused on the step right in front of me. If I want to enjoy the beauty of my surroundings then I need to pick my eyes up. It doesn't sound so difficult, does it? Well, I did that on my walk today. I realized how often I walk with my eyes focused on the ground. Ugh!!! I started getting mad at myself because no matter how great the view was, my gaze automatically kept drifting down. Now, not only do my neighbors think I'm a little coo-coo because I yell at myself when I walk, I also recognize maybe I need more practice on this looking up stuff.

My Plan

Erwin McManus once said, "The process of becoming the person God wants us to become usually doesn't come from success, success, success. It's loss, success, failure, success, heartbreak, success, disappointment, success."

I'm not much of a planner. Actually, to be honest, I can be classified as a mixed bag of nuts. I usually have a plan but I'm flexible when the plan obviously needs to changed. I believe that I can quickly grasp the big picture and move to line myself up with that picture to achieve success. However, lately I have to admit, I have been missing the mark with it.

I'm currently reading a book by Pete Wilson titled "Plan B: What Do You Do When God Doesn't Show Up the Way You Thought He Would?" It's a great book that is helping me refocus and redefine my faith. In it, Wilson talks about Joseph and how he chose to react to his circumstances. Wilson states in his book "He (Joseph) chose to live intentionally; choosing to trust God in all his circumstances and allow his life to be used for God's purposes." That is just great stuff.

God is just awesome and I love Him to my core. He is using this time to reveal things about me...about my character...that's sometimes hard to face. He is using this time to reveal things about His nature and His character that just makes me love Him more.